Our Little Munchkin

In the seven weeks since the weeha has been born, I’ve learned that support comes in all shapes and sizes, from all different people in my life.  In the past seven weeks I’ve needed both physical and emotional support and I’m not sure what I would have done without Alan and my family.

In the three weeks after giving birth, I experienced a heavy dose of what’s commonly known as the ‘baby blues.’  Doctors always warn people about postpartum depression, but I never really heard anyone talk about baby blues.  That, coupled with the fact that I didn’t experience any real emotional mood swings while I was pregnant left me completely unprepared for what an emotional mess I was during those first few weeks.  I think the baby blues affect each woman a little differently, but for me they made me feel inadequate and sad at a time when I expected to be feeling over-joyed.  And while I was happy to finally have our son, I’d also break down and cry several times a day.  I’m sure part of it was due to the shock of such little sleep in those first days, but most of it was due to the tremendous shift in hormones that a woman’s body undergoes after giving birth.  At one point I told Alan that I’d go through labor and delivery all over again if I could avoid the baby blues.

During that time, Alan helped me a lot just by being here.  He could take Michael when I was too emotional or overwhelmed.  He organized my living space here in my brother’s basement so that I’d be more comfortable after he left.  He reminded me that it wasn’t because I had done something wrong that the weeha was crying…that sometimes babies just cry…it’s what they do.  And I think the most helpful thing he did was not look at me like I had grown a third eye every time I burst into tears…which at times occurred every few hours or so.  Because Alan helped so much during that time for me, I was really nervous for him to leave.  And for another week after he left I was still in pretty bad shape, but Mike and Alisha were here to fill in his absence.

There are few people who know me as well as my brother.  When I was obviously having a bad day, he’d just kind of hang around to talk about normal things – nothing baby related.  He didn’t ask if I was ok or push me to talk about what I was feeling.  Even if it was clear I’d been crying, he wouldn’t bring attention to it.  He’d just wait to make sure I was alright and encourage me to stay upstairs with them longer.  I kept wanting to isolate myself because I do like being alone sometimes, but he knew it would be better for me to be around them.  And he was right…and I finally began to feel better.

On a particularly rough day, Alisha said something that I thought about over and over when I was having a hard time.  I’ve heard the saying many times, but for some reason it resonated strongly with me only after she said it.  I passed her when I was heading downstairs with the baby, and I was tired and frustrated.  And she looked at me, smiled and said…’just remember, this too will pass.’  And that’s what I’d think about at 12am, 2am, 4am and every couple of hours after that when I was up with the baby.  That’s what I’d think about when Michael would cry and I couldn’t get him to stop.  And, eventually, that’s what I would think about and it would make me feel grateful to have such a big blessing in the form of such a tiny person.  And now when I think ‘this too shall pass’ it makes me want to cherish every minute I spend with our son instead of just try to get through it.

I’ve had so many visitors here and they’ve all offered me support in their own ways.  Philip and Kendra came out bringing with them tiny outfits for the weeha.  Not only did they bring stuff with them, but when Kendra found out the type of outfits that I like to put on him the most, they went out the following morning and bought that type for him.  I’ve been lucky so far with sister-in-laws…Kendra always listens when I just need to talk.  And just having her here for that was a huge help.  She also saw me trying to care for the baby, care for myself and do laundry one evening and she just kind of took over the laundry portion of it which is another thing I’ll never forget.

Linda and Mikayla came out to visit for about 5 days to see Michael.  I’m sure that Mikayla would have rather been doing other things during her spring break, but it meant a lot to me that she came to see us.  And Linda babysat for me so that I could go by myself to my final midwife appointment in Columbus.  If I would have had to take the baby I would have been worried the whole time that he’d start crying and I’d have to pull over to make sure he was alright.  I’m not very good about just letting him cry for any length of time yet…so just the thought of a 45 minute drive to Columbus where I wouldn’t be able to just pick him up was a little unnerving.

My mom and step-dad, Tony, also came to see me and Michael.  My mom saw that I was literally falling asleep on the couch at about 7pm and promptly told me to go downstairs and get some sleep…that she’d watch the baby for a while and bring him to me later.  I thought she might watch him until midnight or so, but it wasn’t until 3am that she brought him to me.  She had just fed and changed him and she waited until he fell asleep in his crib before leaving, which meant I got to sleep from about 8pm to 4:30 am uninterrupted, which made all the difference in the world.  I’ve never been so grateful for a solid seven and a half hours of sleep in my life.  They were only here for a couple of days, but my mom actually decided to come back a couple weeks later for another five to help out.  She’d take him so that I could exercise or shower or even just sit down and eat without worrying that I’d need to go check on him.  She showed me different ways to entertain him and showed me that I don’t have to be so super careful with him all the time…that it’s alright to take him out in the sun or to let him just hang out in his diaper.  And it was neat to watch her with her grandson and think that she was probably the same way with me.

All of these people have given me support at a time when I didn’t even realize how much I would need it.  I hope that one day I can repay them their kindness and I hope they all know how much coming here to visit the baby and to help me out really means to me.  I appreciate them all and it’s not something I’ll ever forget.

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